Sunday, August 18, 2013

Part 2: Do You Suffer from Past Trauma (Childhood Abuse, PTSD, Domestic Violence, etc..)?

Please be aware though I will not be going into specifics this could be a trigger for some of you. Read with caution! 

Please remember any abuses that you have suffered were not your fault. You are a survivor! If you were able to survive the abuse, you can survive the emotions that have been left behind. You are not alone. There is someone out there who can help or listen. *hugs*

I have tried many types of therapy through the years and to be really honest none of them helped until I was about 24 (I think but I could be off on the age by a year or so). At that time I got a therapist who used Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It was the first therapy I had ever found to be effective at all. For really the first time I was seeing an improvement in how I felt about myself that didn't depend on others.   I only stayed with it for a few months because I moved but I had bought the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns so I continued to use what I had learned. While I was feeling a bit better, it only went so far though.

I tried Self Hypnosis, Meditation and Yoga. These also helped a bit. It seemed like everything I tried would help just a little bit. I felt like I was taking the tiniest of baby steps forward and then something would happen to tumble me all the way back again causing me to have to start over. Around this time through odd circumstances, I ended up homeless in St Petersburg, FL. A friend found out and before even one night without having a home she and her husband took me in. They also encouraged me to go back to school. Living with them was so hard in some ways for me.

I mean here were these 2 people who had 5 kids between them and a 4 bedroom home. They didn't even think twice or blink an eye over me moving in and would have none of my arguments. They were just such warm and loving people and it just bubbled out of them and spread to everyone they knew. Their kids were the same way. I grew up not really hearing people tell me that they loved me or hugging me or just touching me all the time. To be honest I had (still have to a degree) a major aversion to being touched. Well you try explaining that to such a loving family. Yep its not gonna happen. They just hug you and tell you they love you and when you start crying they hold you and say its ok. They didn't see anything wrong with crying???? This was so weird to me. I was tough. I didn't cry. I grew up believing you never let people see you cry. It is a sign of weakness and it will be exploited. Not with this family though. They believed a good cry was healthy and healing, so were hugs.

Slowly so slowly I got used to walking in the door and getting 7 hugs on a regular basis. I got used to hearing I love you and knowing that it was meant. I got used to people cuddling up against me to watch a movie on the couch. I got used to a whole new side of people I never knew existed. That was I think when I really started to realize there are good people out there in this world.   to be continued....

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