I reposted this from my Ravelry group because I wanted to share it. A personal update that also involves my shops.
Hi everyone! I wanted to say thank you all for the warm thoughts and wishes that I have gotten. I really wanted to let you all know that I have firm plans on being back in May. I know that is still a bit off but Im just not ready yet. I am really having a lot of depression with this right now and its hard to focus on anything important including orders. I have managed to do some basic things like cleaning and in general dyeing to try to get my self back to a good place. I am still finding it hard to actually talk with people online and in real life.
I know I have not really talked about it here but this miscarriage is harder on me than the last. The last time it happened so suddenly there was no time for anything but sadness. This time its harder because its a long drawn out process. I did not even know i was loosing the baby until my blood work showed that I was. The dr could diagnose it from that but she talked to me about letting nature complete its course by itself. She said it would be the easiest on my body. So this process is still going on. Every time I go to the dr the levels are dropped again. Last week it was down to 43. I am supposed to go back this week and it will probably be finally down to 0. I was supposed to go on monday but i have not been able to make myself go yet. Tomorrow I will go though and then maybe it will all be over to a point that I can let it go. Even though its easier on my body I think this was was much harder on my spirit and soul. Every time I get the tests I feel a bit like im dying. Everyone else seems to be fine and I get so mad about that. Im getting tired of crying and being mad but I do not know what to do to fix it. That is why I still need some time.
I felt you all needed a bit more explanation. I have to be honest that going through this is hard on every level of my being. I really need to work to feel better I think but I need to do it on stuff I feel less pressured for. I was thinking back about the past 6 months and they have been a bit crazy for me and for you all. I love my job but I get to thinking about everything and worrying if I can really do this. Most days the answer is yes I will pull through. Its just harder to come to the yes right now through the depression. I wanted you all to know how much your cards and packages have meant to me. I may not actually know you all in person but I feel very close to you. I really love you guys from the bottom of my heart and I am very lucky to know such wonderful people. So I will be back in May with all the stuff Im supposed to have and my head back in it. That is my plan at least. *hugs*