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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Life has a way of happening. (sad post)

Even when you wish it would not. I am updating here because I have to. I should have followed peoples advice and waited to tell anyone. I had hoped that by telling people it would have to all work out. I was just wrong. I feel stupid, mad, ashamed, embarrassed, depressed, upset and on top of it all I just want to feel numb.

I lost the baby and had to have a stupid test tell me. I am still having all the symptoms of being pregnant but the baby.. well its gone. The placenta is still there and thats why Im still having the symptoms. I have to wait for nature to finish what it started. I hate it all. I don't want it to be true. I thought I was further along this time and that it would be ok but its just not. Im sorry to anyone who got their hopes up along with mine. I have tried to figure out just what I did wrong. The doctor said i didn't do anything wrong but i still have to wonder.

Now I have to have some more tests to make sure my uterus is actually ok. They have to put dye into it and exray it but we have to wait until my next period to prevent infection. My doctor is really nice. She has been through this too and I guess that helps more. I really just want to wake up from this nightmare and still be pregnant and still be preparing for my baby. I am taking some time off work and I do not even know what to say to anyone. I want to scream and cry and break stuff. Instead I am just sitting in my room trying to sleep. I needed to put this here because you should know. I dont want to tell people individually. Its a bit of a copout. It was bad enough telling Tom. He was so happy about the baby and so was i and now its all gone.

I had to get a shot of Rhogam because Im O- and Tom is A+ to protect the future babies. RH factor is important because with out this shot my body decided this baby was a foreign object that had to go. So if you are - and your partner is + ask if you need this shot.
Hugs, Johanna

11 comments:

  1. I don't think that the hurt would be any less painful now had you not told family and friends and got excited. And now that friends and family know the situation, they can give you the support you need and if not ease your burden, then share your pain. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, and hope that your physical and emotional recovery is swift. ♥

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  2. It's not your fault this happened. Bad stuff happens, I'm sorry it happened to you.

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  3. Knowing I was not alone helped me. You helped me this past Feb. The feeling of knowing it is there but not there is very sad. It feels empty and knowing that your friends and family are here for you will help fill that void. We are all here for you! I am sorry you feel sad and all the other emotions right now, yesterday, and tomorrow. I am thinking of you and Tom and sending feelings of peace and huggs your way. Take care of yourself.

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  4. Sending you a really big hug. I'm Rh- too and my 21-year-old is a great example of the power of positive thinking. Get some rest and take care of yourself. We love you.

    Heather

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  5. A big big hug to you and Tom...
    Please don't think it's your fault because it is not. Unfortunately nature isn't always for happy endings :-(
    Take good care of yourself and let others take good care of you, you deserve it!

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  6. Ditto-ing all of the above & confirming that "ditto" by saying I've talked this through w/ several other people in the same boat.

    Take care of yourself, lean on your friends, and certainly, know you're neither alone nor at fault for anything.

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  7. I am still thinking of you! I really feel for you. I know you are reading this and are probably too emotionally drained to reply which is okay by me that's how I felt last month. It was nice to see that others are thinking of them, which I am ! I am so thinking of you! B vitamin veggies are good for you right now with your changing hormones. and bananas! They taste good in pina coladas too!((Hugs))Big huge hugs!

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  8. I'm so, so sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself, and let others help hold you up as you heal. ((hugs)) I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  9. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. I am reading this Im sorry I just do not feel like getting back to everyone just yet. Please know that I really appreciate you all. Im just really hurting.

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  10. Johanna, The loss of a baby - no matter when, is very hard to deal with. The most important thing I learned with mine is IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Nature has a way of knowing when things are not quite right and often takes care of it herself. You and Tom did nothing wrong.

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  11. Dear Johanna,

    How sad you have lost the baby. All the women and mothers reading your post understand how hard this is for you and your husband. Give yourself the time to grieve, cry, scream, be angry, the whole lot.
    The only thing I want to say to you that might give you hope : now you know for sure 100%, you really can get pregnant with Clomid.

    Many hugs

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